Name: Phineas Horatio Quentin Brown IV
Department: Applied Sciences
Title: Department Head
Office Address: Aisle 12, Row 3, Shelf 12-A
Office Hours: 9 pm - 11 pm, Tuesday and Friday
Research Interests: Nuclear Fusion
Recent Publications: Discrimination against the Disembodied: How It Affects YOU!

Name: Mr. Fluffy Wufflekins
Department: Natural Evil
Title: Chairbeast
Office Address: Check the tops of the bookcases in the Ancient Practices of Egyptians section of the library.
Office Hours: Vary.
Research Interests: Catnip as a hallucinogen
Recent Publications: 9 Lives Too Few: A drama in 16 parts.

Name: John Smith
Department: Intentional and Accidental Genetic Mutations
Title: Professor Emeritus
Office Address: n/a
Office Hours: n/a
Research Interests: tse-tse flies, vermicelli, yo-yos, and cell phone usage
Recent Publications: On the Road: A man and his toenail.

Name: XJ-371B Mark 2
Department: World Domination Studies
Title: Visiting Lecturer
Office Address: 2nd Floor, Hastur Memorial Building
Office Hours: 1:01 pm - 3:59 pm, MWF
Research Interests: National Security, the Mossad, and Global Warming
Recent Publications: Why humans ignore warnings & how to exploit this to our advantage

Name: Sister Mary Dominica
Department: Infernal Studies
Title: Departmental Chair
Office Address: Chapel Nursery
Office Hours: 2:00-4:00 Sat, 3:00-5:00 Wed
Research Interests: Religious conversion, Asbestos, and Lava Lamps
Recent Publications: Old Habits are Hard to Break, but It's Worth the Effort